Loneliness
by NearInsanity96
Summary: Basically drabble...pretty much Mello, Matt and Near's perspective on their own loneliness. No pairings, except some one sided Matt X Mello..but you can only really see it if you squint...Rate and review please?
1. Mello

Sometimes, Mello got lonely. But, like everything else, he had a cure for that: Adrenaline. Pure, unadulterated, feel good chemicals coursing through his veins. Mello had decided that by beating Near or blatantly defying authority gave him that rush he so desperately craved. The rush that masked the loneliness. He was quite aware of that fact. Mello knew he was running, but he loved the challenge. The challenge of running from a rapidly approaching past. He loved it.

He hated it.

Sometimes, Mello missed his mother. She had been beautiful, with wavy golden hair cascading past her shoulders. And her eyes. Mello remembered her eyes to this very day. They were a brilliant icy blue, but not cold in the least. They were warm and inviting, basking in the joy of the world. Innocent and carefree, that's how Mello perceived his mother.

Mello was glad for one thing though. Matt. Matt made the loneliness bearable on days when adrenaline wasn't enough. Days where Mello felt like breaking, Matt was there to hold him together. For that, he was thankful. Of course, Mello knew Matt loved him. But the man had decided he was too broken to return the love. Matt didn't mind. At least, Mello thought he didn't. He silently hoped…

Finally, there was chocolate. Chocolate, of all things. Perhaps it was to add sweetness to the bitterness of his world. Perhaps he just liked the taste. Mello no longer knew anyway. It didn't matter. There were more important things to care about. Like Kira. Like beating Near. Like avenging L.

And slowly….

These things faded…

Into nothingness….

…And Mello was no longer lonely.


	2. Near

Sometimes, Near dreamt of things. He dreamt of starry summer nights and his parents and his home. Usually, he woke up disturbed. He didn't want to dream. Dreaming was remembering and it hurt to do that. The dreams Near hated the most were the vivid ones. The ones where he remembered, sitting as a child, waiting for his parents to return. He waited like a good boy, and played with his puzzles and built towers with his dice. He waited, and waited. Even then he knew they were never coming home.

It made Near lonely, sometimes, to think of his past life.

Emotionless. That's what he'd been called in the past. He wasn't emotionless, just well-guarded. He had to be. For his parents sake. What would happen if he ever let the secrets slip? Surely his father would be mad if he accidently told someone how his mother cried when he hit her. Near's mother wouldn't like it either. They were a perfect family. They were. She promised. Mello just didn't understand. Maybe his family wasn't perfect like Near's was…

When the white haired boy was sure nobody was looking, he cried. He couldn't help it, sometimes the loneliness became suffocating and there was no way out. Not that crying helped solve the problem, but Near wished it would. He wished so desperately, so ardently, for it to all go away sometimes. His wish never came true.

In the end, he wished he had been killed by Kira. A small glimmer of pain shone through the boy's façade that day that his enemy was finally killed, however unnoticeable it was.

Because, after everything was all said and done, the boy learned something. He learned that once you reach the top, it's even lonelier than rock bottom.


	3. Matt

All his life, Matt felt like he belonged to someone else. Like he had no control. People always made the decisions for him, and he just had to go along with it. For the most part, he was okay with it, especially when Mello made the decisions. Other times, he didn't want to be so compliant, like when he was nine, and people forced him to hack for them. And by forced, he meant beat until he did it. He didn't like that so much.

Matt had always been a lonely soul. Always denied the love he craved, whether it was from his parents, or the people who kidnapped him, or Mello. He had to be strong though. He had to be strong so no one saw his pain. Because, pain was a weakness, and he couldn't be weak. Too many people depended on him…

Stripes, in Matt's world, weren't just a fashion statement. They were to signify how trapped – like a prisoner- he felt. For someone to notice that though, he was sure they had to be smarter than L, Near and Mello put together. He knew this because, he seemed happy. Hidden behind goggles, video games and a cocky smirk, he seemed like the happiest guy out of all of them.

It hurt, but he had to do it. To hold Mello together. If Mello one day realized how unhappy he was, how used he felt, how much he just wanted to be loved back, he would break. And it wasn't worth seeing Mello to break. That was just plain selfish, and Matt was everything but selfish.

In his last moments, when he knew he wouldn't be able to beat those cars, he nearly smiled. When he put his hands up in front of all those policemen, he almost thanked them. When he fell, in his last breath, he almost cried for joy.

Because finally, it was over, and he wouldn't be around to see Mello break.


End file.
